Until Porsche introduces its twin-turbo Cayenne SUV, this is the king of the silly trucks.

Yes, Dodge will soon have a 500-hp Ram, and Ford has the Lightning, but BMW’s X5 4.6is SAV (Sport Activity Vehicle) is in a different league. For example, the 4,842-lb. truck has four-wheel drive, near 50:50 weight distribution, 20-in. wheels and tires, 14-in. front and 12.8-in. rear disc brakes, 340 hp, 350 lb-ft of torque, and a starting price of just – just! – $66,845.

Not absurd enough, you say? There’s the top speed of 150 mph, or the claimed 0-60 mph time of 6.2 seconds. Now, I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t sound like an off-road vehicle. Yet BMW has fitted Hill Descent Control for those times when you need to watch your downhill speed when going off road. Yeah, like I’d ever do that in a vehicle with 20-in. wheels and performance tires.

You have to admire the BMW engineers, though. They also fit stability control, and made sure the 4.6-liter V8 with VANOS stepless variable valve timing was clean enough to garner this hauler certification as a Low Emissions Vehicle (LEV). And the 0.38 drag coefficient is pretty slippery for a vehicle 73.7-in wide and 67.5-in tall. The EPA fuel economy rating of 13 city/17 highway isn’t bad either.

One of the most over-engineered features is the optional navigation/video system. It places a large screen in the center of the instrument panel, and clusters a number of functions into a single unit, one of which is the radio. Instead of pushing a button, or turning a knob, you have to find the right screen, call up the radio function, then set the station presets. You adjust the bass, mid-range and treble the same way. Or you can enable the digital signal processor to mimic a jazz club, cathedral, concert hall, or even create your own specific settings. It’s a lot of work. And it explains why the first screen to come up after the BMW logo appears is one that asks you not to use the distractive functions while on the move. It also gives you an “accept” button like the ones found on software licenses when installing a new program. Maybe it’s there to in an attempt to reduce BMW’s liability should you crash into someone while adjusting something on the system.

Since this vehicle hauls, and looks something like a truck, you might expect to find a good bit of room behind the rear seats. You might, but you won’t. The load area isn’t especially deep or long, but ours had the optional sliding load floor. Pull it out about two feet, load you items on it (it’ll hold about 300 lb. and still slide), and push it back into place. It may sound dumb, but it works. I just doubt anyone who buys this vehicle will ever carry anything more than their luggage, groceries, or dogs in the load area.

The bottom line, other than the $69,025 as-driven price, is this: If you’re looking for the fastest, baddest, best handling SUV on the market, the BMW X5 4.6is is it. If you want even a modicum of everyday practicality or stealth, you’ll have to look elsewhere.